Shed your shame

I am having the most relaxing day before work. I slept in, enjoyed slowly drinking my coffee while reading today’s astrology report on Susan’s Astrology Zone app, then read today’s vibe of the day in Kyle Gray’s book, “Raise your Vibration”, and then meditated on today’s vibe while in the sauna. I then took a nice, long, quiet shower, allowing my body, mind and soul to absorb and process everything that I had just taken in before making lunch while singing along to Carlie Pearce, finishing it off by eating in front of my outdoor fire pit with Keith Urban’s new incredible song, “Female”. Amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend my morning and early afternoon, and now am writing to you all while sipping my coffee outside with the warmth of a fire while the rain gently begins to fall.

Myself and a group of my soul-sisters, we call ourselves the Crackpot group, have committed to following Kyle Gray’s 111 practices for raising your vibration and increasing your spiritual connection. We started this together on the first of January so today’s was the fourth “vibe of the day” and it is the first one that I have found difficult to connect to. Not painful or emotional, but more like a number blockage. Instead of ignoring the disconnect and moving on with my day like I would probably have done if I was busy or running late, I chose to take this opportunity to really sit with the lesson and feel it. Because this is not always a comfortable thing to do, as humans we will often brush past it, going on with our day to day lives never unblocking or honoring that part of ourselves, but if there is one thing I’ve learned for certain it’s that if you want to grow you have to choose to experience, and even embrace, the uncomfortable.

Vibe of the day: you are safe.

“There is no place safer for me than in my body.
My body is the home of my soul.
My outer self is a reflection of my inner self.
My soul is the true and real aspect of me and it can never be broken, tarnished or damaged.
My soul is healed and whole.
Today I claim my safety, because the light of my soul shines within a light of protection.
I am safe.

This may feel like common sense and very comfortable for some, but for myself who has a history of addiction to self-harming, a mind/central nervous system that likes to play games with me and now a chronic, life-threatening, difficult to treat disease, I have never felt safe inside of my own body. And yes, I do see the correlation between a life of feeling unsafe inside of me own body to then getting infected with a disease that does physically make you unsafe inside of your own body and I’m sure that this is not a coincidence.

In the past I have cut myself, burned myself, hated myself, made myself throw up, allowed unhealthy people and substances into my body, overdosed on painkillers, the list goes on I’m sure. The point is, I have not always treated my body, the home of my soul, the way it deserves to be treated. The things that I have done to myself are far worse than anything I would ever do to another person. It’s no wonder that my body was susceptible to this disease. It asked me to slow down time and time again. It asked me to feel it, to listen to it, to nurture it, and I ignored it until it forced me. This is something that I must own, and forgive myself for, which I will do now.

Dear physical body, mind and soul, I am sorry. I am sorry for not nurturing you. For not honoring you. For not even listening to you. I am sorry for hurting you and for allowing things into you that were not for your highest and best self. I am sorry for pushing you, and for taking you for granted. Please forgive me as I forgive myself. I promise to start working with you, rather than against you. I ask the Universe to support me in this new way of living, for the highest and best of everyone involved.

Everybody has dark fragments of themselves that they want to hide, but the only way to bring those pieces into the light is by owning them. I’m not saying everyone should go so public as to air all of their dirty laundry in a book or a blog like, ahem, me, but when those dark thoughts and memories come up inside of you don’t shove them back into their dusty, cobweb filled corner. Own them within yourself. Find it in your heart to forgive and to send love to that area of yourself that even you do not want to see. Write it down and bury it or burn it, giving it back to the Earth for the Universe to carry for you. No one can ever hold something over you that you have owned within yourself. You never need to feel ashamed of something that you’ve owned within yourself.

Shed the shame. Release it to the Universe to neutralize for you. Ask it to send that energy back to you as love.

Own every fragmented piece of yourself. And then allow yourself to love them.

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