So I hop in and out of the online dating world whenever I have some extra time on my hands and think I’d like to put myself out there, and boy is there never a dull moment. I have said it before but truly I cannot believe what dating has come to in modern day. In some ways I see the positives, you have an easy and low-risk way of being introduced to people you never would have otherwise met, and you can do it from the couch in your pajamas’s with your favorite glass of wine – so right there we all know I’m in! On the down side though, you have to filter through hundreds of prospects (half of which on the free sites are not even serious about dating), and you have no good way of knowing who you’re really talking to or how many lies they’re telling you.
Needless to say, I don’t get too worked up over all of this but I do take some time to scroll through every now and again, swiping right on anyone that I feel I could enjoy getting to know, and left on the others. I am one of those people who actually look for a write up in the potential prospect’s ‘about me’ section and base the majority of my decision on said write up, and I can’t believe what some people say in theirs. First of all, there are countless men’s profiles that have absolutely nothing written in their about me section, and maybe that works for them as some people must judge based on looks alone, but seriously you can’t take two minutes to write a couple sentences about yourself? Even point form would do. The way I see it is if you can’t take a couple of minutes between your hours of swiping left or right to tell the app a tiny bit about yourself you either don’t know yourself well enough, don’t take your needs or lifestyle into enough importance or are not taking online dating seriously at all. And frankly, I can’t take you seriously enough to swipe right. Which is totally fine! There are probably lots of women who base their swipes solely on looks, and they may not care that you can’t form a couple of decent sentences about yourself.
Other people put it all out there, here is a profile I read the other day that although I have zero interest in, I actually have a lot of respect for their honesty. “In an open relationship, looking for someone for sex and experimentation. Will have open conversations to discuss clear boundaries.”
I actually find myself wanting to swipe right on these people simply to congratulate them on their honesty, but then I realize that I’d have to follow up with, “but actually that doesn’t interest me at all, so best of luck to you byeeeee!” and I just keep on swiping left.
Another one I read this week was particularly interesting, “What I lack in penis size I more than make up for in emotional support! Irish, new in Van, potato connoisseur,” huh… not really sure where to start with that one. Potato connoisseur? Unless you’re a farmer or a professional french fry chef, who cares? And as for your penis size, I don’t expect to know that off of an app, and maybe if you do happen to be lacking in that area you’d like someone to fall for your charm and emotional support abilities first? Also typically, unless you’re sleeping with everyone you chat with online, wouldn’t someone typically naturally fall for your personality before learning your penis size? Or is that just me…
What is with everyone who does take the time to do a write up including whether or not they have a costco card in it? Or, “I’m really only on here to meet someone with a costco card.”
Have I missed something? Is this a thing? Or is having or not having a costco card suddenly a marker of your personality traits that I can somehow use to determine how decent of a boyfriend you would be along with your 4 photos in dim lighting with hats and sunglasses on and your write up of 140 characters or less that is mostly emoji’s?
Like I said, I hop in and out of online dating whenever I feel like it. I have a business to run, I have a dog to take care of, I have a good social life, a chronic illness to deal with… all of these things lead me to ignoring my online dating profile on the regular. Also, there’s a large part of me that just doesn’t give a fuck. So ya, if I’m not in a conversation that is riveting and outside of the basic “how are you, what do you do, how was your weekend, how much did you party, wanna fuck?” I may forget to open my app for weeks at a time and forget to reply. It happens. It’s not personal. But recently one guy had a unique way of handling it. It went a little like this,
Guy: “I hope you had a good time off of bumble,”
Guy: sends dick pic
Me: “I did have a nice time away from bumble actually and that picture doesn’t make me want to come back anytime soon you are disgusting and should be ashamed of yourself. And if you think that would impress me you are extremely mistaken I wouldn’t use that as a pick up line anytime soon as it was nothing to be proud of you pathetic little man.”
True story. And in reality I didn’t even look at the photo long enough to judge his size but the fact that this was his answer to me being busy and forgetting to check my app spoke for itself.
Yesterday I was told that I was too good for someone. This someone was not someone that I have interest in as more than a friend, and I believe the same goes for him, yet his friend felt the need to tell me that I was too good anyways. I don’t believe in one person being “too good” or “not good enough” for another person. We are all equal. I do believe however that in order to make a happy and fulfilling life with another person everyone needs to be honest about what they want, what they’re willing to give, what they’re willing to sacrifice and what are deal breakers. Everyone makes choices that create the life that they’re living. If we were all honest about what we actually wanted and what we are and are not okay with, I believe that everyone could find someone who fit with their life, wants and needs. No one would be better or worse, people would simply be good for each other or not. Nothing personal just reality.
There is always going to be someone, both male and female, who is just looking for sex. And good for them if that’s what they need at the time! I don’t think that there is anything wrong with that as long as both parties are open and honest about it. There are also always going to be both men and women pretending that they’re only looking for sex when really they want a relationship, and there is always going to be both men and women pretending they’re looking for a relationship when really all they want is sex. Then there will be the handful of people who are comfortable enough with themselves and over the game playing that they’re just flat out honest about what they want. Wouldn’t it be simpler if we could all just embrace our needs, our desires, our strengths and our weaknesses, and be honest about them knowing that that’s the simplest way to find who we’re looking for?
Could everyone just embrace the fact that there is always going to be someone who is just as shy, just as geeky, just as kinky, just as normal or just as weird as they are out there, wanting the same things as they are at the same time, and that if we were all just honest about it we’d be able to find each other much easier?