December 27, 2017

Do you ever wonder if your not the weird one?
My whole life I’ve just assumed it was me. I didn’t play sports like my brother, so that meant I had nothing in common with my mom. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t understand my dad. Apparently we pick our parents though, something that I have yet to come to understand but hope to by the end of this blog that I hope will become a book. If not, it always leaves me content for my next one!
Of course I made friends, ones that I tried to make into family but that never really panned out. Definitely you could have called me codependent and you would not have been wrong. Eventually I got a cat, named Milano, but even she seemed to prefer my dad’s lap over mine, and then later a dog named Dixie, but Im sure she’ll come up later on.
I don’t think that I was a super odd kid or anything, probably falling somewhere in the middle of the social spectrum, but I just couldn’t seem to stick to one friend group; never getting quite close enough to anyone besides the few over the years that I clung on way too tightly to. Eventually those who I did hold onto would either need space or find a new flavor of the month/year/ decade and I’d be left on my own to panic about how I’d never get on without them, only to eventually realize that they were never very good friends or that I actually don’t think I ever really liked them in the first place.
Wait what?! I could not like somebody who liked me?! This still is a concept that I always seem to forget. How simple and absolutely freeing is that? I don’t have to like everybody who likes me. I do not need to value the opinion of everybody. I am not responsible for how other people perceive me. If I had understood this in the core of my being at a younger age I would have been golden!
Well, truthfully probably not. The universe would have found a way to fuck me anyways. After all, how else would I learn what I chose to be in this lifetime to learn? Does everyone have to learn things the hard way or is it just me?

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