Heart Space Card Reading

Angels and ancestors Oracle cardsIncredibly accurate and comforting reading for myself on my new cards that I’m very much connecting to. 💚

I have such a hard time allowing myself to be vulnerable and trusting myself when it comes to my love life. (I’ve been known to make some poor choices!) Over the past few months I’ve been doing a lot of work in and around my heart-space and man has it been painful. Clearing out the old and all of the shields to make space for new.

For this spread I grounded, connected to my heart-space, my intuition, my subconscious and to source and asked where I’ve been, where I currently am, what I need to do to move forward, and what the end result will be.

High Priest • where I’ve been
Connected to my inner divine masculine as I learned to protect myself. Recognizing I had the power to change my life, taking charge and moving forward with determination, purpose and intention. Keeping a clear distance between myself and others.

Winter • where I am now
Recognizing and honoring my own needs. Undoing all that society has taught me in order to bring my true self to the surface. Resting and embracing that everyone – myself included – is as individual as a snowflake. Taking some time as a lone wolf, preparing myself before a pack that I can thrive with enters my life. Doing everything I can to be at my best, getting comfortable in the unknown and trusting that my inner light will guide me on the darkest nights. It’s time for me to be the alpha of my own life.

Mother Earth • what I need to do to move forward •
Grounding and connecting to the goddess within myself to shed the old, negative self-limiting beliefs, knowing that I am protected and nurtured as a child of the earth. Allow myself to be vulnerable and seen. As she roots me and surrounds me with motherly healing and nurturing energy I unearth my sense of strength and return to my natural centre of clarity and openness. I am being guided to make only choices of love and no longer of fear. I accept that deep down I do want to be loved and cared for, and that I have the ability to love and care for myself. Feel the feelings of being loved and cared for and those vibrations will attract all that I desire and more.

Medicine Mother • what the outcome will be
I will be comforted, standing strong with faith in my own inner knowing and sight. It is okay for this chapter of my life to come to an end to make room for new beginnings. Moving forward I will know what I need to do. In loving and respecting myself I release my old patterns and honor what I already know.

Immense gratitude to these cards, the gift of these messages and to my inner self for persevering and now, for having the courage to let go.

Meditation; a game changer.

You’re talking to the girl who wouldn’t take yoga class because she’d burst out laughing during savasana – the meditative, still, yoga posture that always ends a session – out of the pure discomfort of being still.

The girl who would rather be doing burpees or mountainclimbers or deadlifting than rest day or yoga/stretch day.

It’s become clear however, that I’m not coming out the other side of Lyme the same girl I went in as.

Never would I have thought that I’d be paying money to sit with a group of people while

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Juice Fasting and Social Media Detox!

I am on the end of day 3 of my juice fast, day 5 of my cleanse and day 3 of no social media or cell phone use (phone/text). My Facebook, Instagram and snapchat are all logged out and I’ve only used very minimal email for communication for the past 3 days, and only when necessary.

It’s been beautiful.

I’ve meditated, read, and detoxed. I’ve spent more time in complete silence than I probably ever have before. I went over 24 hours without speaking a single word to another person. I haven’t left the house besides the vet on Friday, and my only visitor was one girlfriend today.

The juice fast has been great, as has been the whole cleanse so far. It is 2 days of raw food, prepping my body for fasting, then 3 days of juice fasting (making your own juices as per their recipes not store bought), and then tomorrow will begin 2 days of easing my body back into solid food. I have to be very careful during this time to follow the meal plan strictly. In the first few days it’s easy to follow the meal plan because it’s new, but now that I’ve had 3 days without solid food and I’m nearing the end, I find myself really wanting those chocolate almond bites that are prepped in the fridge for Tuesday nights dessert! After a juice fast though, my body is not prepared to digest many foods such as leafy greens and I’m sure it’s not prepared to digest the fat from all the coconut oil in the chocolate almond bites that I want to eat!

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Shed your shame

I am having the most relaxing day before work. I slept in, enjoyed slowly drinking my coffee while reading today’s astrology report on Susan’s Astrology Zone app, then read today’s vibe of the day in Kyle Gray’s book, “Raise your Vibration”, and then meditated on today’s vibe while in the sauna. I then took a nice, long, quiet shower, allowing my body, mind and soul to absorb and process everything that I had just taken in before making lunch while singing along to Carlie Pearce, finishing it off by eating in front of my outdoor fire pit with Keith Urban’s new incredible song, “Female”. Amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend my morning and early afternoon, and now am writing to you all while sipping my coffee outside with the warmth of a fire while the rain gently begins to fall.

Myself and a group of my soul-sisters, we call ourselves the Crackpot group, have committed to following Kyle Gray’s 111 practices for raising your vibration and increasing your spiritual connection. We started this together on the first of January so today’s was the fourth “vibe of the day” and it is the first one that I have found difficult to connect to. Not painful or emotional, but more like a number blockage. Instead of ignoring the disconnect and moving on with my day like I would probably have done if I was busy or running late, I chose to take this opportunity to really sit with the lesson and feel it. Because this is not always a comfortable thing to do, as humans we will often brush past it, going on with our day to day lives never unblocking or honoring that part of ourselves, but if there is one thing I’ve learned for certain it’s that if you want to grow you have to choose to experience, and even embrace, the uncomfortable.

Vibe of the day: you are safe.

“There is no place safer for me than in my body.
My body is the home of my soul.
My outer self is a reflection of my inner self.
My soul is the true and real aspect of me and it can never be broken, tarnished or damaged.
My soul is healed and whole.
Today I claim my safety, because the light of my soul shines within a light of protection.
I am safe.

This may feel like common sense and very comfortable for some, but for myself who has a history of addiction to self-harming, a mind/central nervous system that likes to play games with me and now a chronic, life-threatening, difficult to treat disease, I have never felt safe inside of my own body. And yes, I do see the correlation between a life of feeling unsafe inside of me own body to then getting infected with a disease that does physically make you unsafe inside of your own body and I’m sure that this is not a coincidence.

In the past I have cut myself, burned myself, hated myself, made myself throw up, allowed unhealthy people and substances into my body, overdosed on painkillers, the list goes on I’m sure. The point is, I have not always treated my body, the home of my soul, the way it deserves to be treated. The things that I have done to myself are far worse than anything I would ever do to another person. It’s no wonder that my body was susceptible to this disease. It asked me to slow down time and time again. It asked me to feel it, to listen to it, to nurture it, and I ignored it until it forced me. This is something that I must own, and forgive myself for, which I will do now.

Dear physical body, mind and soul, I am sorry. I am sorry for not nurturing you. For not honoring you. For not even listening to you. I am sorry for hurting you and for allowing things into you that were not for your highest and best self. I am sorry for pushing you, and for taking you for granted. Please forgive me as I forgive myself. I promise to start working with you, rather than against you. I ask the Universe to support me in this new way of living, for the highest and best of everyone involved.

Everybody has dark fragments of themselves that they want to hide, but the only way to bring those pieces into the light is by owning them. I’m not saying everyone should go so public as to air all of their dirty laundry in a book or a blog like, ahem, me, but when those dark thoughts and memories come up inside of you don’t shove them back into their dusty, cobweb filled corner. Own them within yourself. Find it in your heart to forgive and to send love to that area of yourself that even you do not want to see. Write it down and bury it or burn it, giving it back to the Earth for the Universe to carry for you. No one can ever hold something over you that you have owned within yourself. You never need to feel ashamed of something that you’ve owned within yourself.

Shed the shame. Release it to the Universe to neutralize for you. Ask it to send that energy back to you as love.

Own every fragmented piece of yourself. And then allow yourself to love them.

A letter to the person who’s about to give up their life, from someone who almost did.

As I was laying in a soul and toxin – cleansing salt bath this evening topped with some beautiful gifted Sage lavender bath salts and Sage analgesic bath salts, meditating to a guided meditation for awakening your guide, I was surprised to be feeling both the highest and best parts of myself as well as the absolute darkest shadows during the “who am I?” question.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by this at all as the light cannot be without the dark, but hey! I’m new at this.

I am still learning to ask myself questions and trust the answers. Frankly I am still learning to trust myself at all. At the end of the meditation when asking what I need to do, I intuitively recieved, “A letter from someone who almost gave up(died by suicide), to someone who almost did,” so I chose to trust that there is someone out there who needs to hear this right now so I am writing to whomever that may be.

I see you.

And deep in my chest, I feel you. I know you are hurting so deeply that you cannot possibly see the surface, let alone the light. I am seeing the light for you. I am feeling it for you the same way that I am feeling your pain and I am sending it to you. I am washing away your dark.

Life is worth it.

I promise you this from deep within my bones. It is worth it. My journey through the dark was about 14-25 years long, and now, I can finally say with honesty that it was worth it. I know that many people will read that and think they can’t possibly stick it out for that many years. I definitely would have said that, but I did it. Some people only have to sludge through the mud for a few months. No matter where you are in your journey don’t assume that because mine was that long yours will be too. It is likely to be shorter, it could also be longer; my hope in you reading this is that this article makes it a little bit shorter for you.

What I’m coming to understand I would have liked someone to say to me in my darkest days was, “I’m feeling it too, but we are in this together.” I, however, needed to feel unsupported in my outside world so that I would eventually be forced to turn inward, looking to my higher self and the energy of the Universe to carry me. It will happen if you let it. Ask for it, invite it in.

I cannot even count the number of times I’ve seriously considered killing myself. Mostly I was tired of hurting and I truly believed that the world would not only go on without me but would actually be better without me. I am now being taught how untrue that is, but that is plain and simple how I felt. Even when I grew a bit and learned different coping skills and got to a place of not being at risk to myself, I still was never happy. I was your typical, averagely miserable human being. Knit-picking at things that I realize now don’t effect me. Taking things personally that at their core didn’t have anything to do with me. Needing people to like me. Measuring my level of success on what was visible to other people. Feeling overall irritable all the time. In comparison to my below-rock-bottom depression and panic disorder, this is what I thought happy was! To be honest, I think it’s what a lot of the human race considers normal.

I can now say that was most definitely not happy, though it may be average.

I don’t know exactly what got me to where I am today. I imagine that it is a combination of many small things compounded – counseling, medical intervention, drugs when needed, supplements, family support, lack of family support, a whole bunch of not so great doctors along with a few great doctors (this is not to downplay the role of doctors in mental health, it is to express that I understand that you’ve probably had a lot of unfortunate doctors visits but to keep trying new ones because there are a few really good ones making a really big difference), naturopaths, energy healers, mentors, exercise, clean eating, salt baths, infrared saunas, lemon water, meditating, less t.v. more personal development reading, writing, mindfulness, learning when to say no, learning when to say yes, learning when to be “selfish”, and learning when to be selfless. Learning what boundaries are – not only the definition but truly understanding the concept in my life, and how to place them, was also more than minimal towards my healing.

I still have bad days, yesterday was one of them. I had treatment in the morning earlier than I’d normally be up, then continued to my first in person appointment at the Complex Chronic Disease Program, a clinic that says they treat Lyme disease but doesn’t actually have a good way of diagnosing us, nor do they have any lyme-literate doctors (theirs all quit, in my understanding because they weren’t allowed to properly treat), so instead they diagnose us with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and central sensitivity syndrome which are all illnesses with unknown causes and unknown cures. This does at least give patients grounds for disability and access to programs that will teach them coping skills and offer counseling, acupuncture, doctors and other supports. The point is, my life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies and in fact the truth is that I’m in pain every day, sick most of them, need about 12-14 hours of sleep per night and am not well enough to work as much as I’d like to or exercise or do as much socializing as I like or to be independent. I sleep more than I ever have, I am sicker than I have ever been, and yet I’m still happy. And I’m still telling you that it’s worth it to live.

Find what makes you happy and do it. Not just one thing but a million little things compounded. Find what adds a little bit of meaning to your life. It’s actually very simple, something either makes you feel good inside or it doesn’t. Sometimes we have to do the things that make us feel bad such as take that client that isn’t our favorite but we need to pay the bills, or visit that family member that really means well but drives us nuts, but wherever you’re able to, choose the option that makes you feel good. If you feel good while reading, read instead of watching tv. If you feel inspired after watching a documentary, choose one of those over your mindless TV show. If you have a favourite walk but you have to drive to it, drive to it. Do guided meditations for abundance and manifestations. Write down what you’re grateful for each day. Buy the flowers, or if you can’t spend the money go for a walk and pick them! I don’t care what it is that makes you feel good, inspired or energized, only you can decide what those things are, what resonates with you. It’s up to you and only you to find those things and to do them.

Do minimum one a day. It can be as simple as having your morning coffee on the patio. Start with one simple, easy to incorporate step. Just one is all I ask. Then over time as it feels comfortable and right for you, add in another, and another, and so on. It isn’t a race, there is no time limit. You do it in a year, or if you’re not ready you can do it slower and spread it out over 14 years like I did! You are the only one make that decision, and it doesn’t feel like it, but it is a decision to take these steps. You may not be able to decide how you feel, but you can decide what action steps you take. Choose one thing and start.

Whether you climb out of your darkness in a year or 30 years, I promise you, it’s worth it.

My experience with Selena Jones at Better Still Day Spa


If you are not open-minded to different forms of spirituality, energy work, clairvoyance, past lives, spirit guides or angels, please keep scrolling, this post is not for you.
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I had the most amazing experience this morning in an energy balancing session with Selena Jones, in Better Still Day Spa in Ladner. Selena is such a lovely woman, energy worker, past life regressioner, clairvoyant, and I’m sure so much more. We started with emotion code, clearing emotional blockages from years past. Of the several emotional blockages I’m sure I have, the following 5 were ready to be released.

  • Grief – approximately age 17. I knew instantly that this grief was over Taylor Purdy’s death.
  • Crying – crying is a great way to release emotion, but causes issues when a person either cannot cry, or cannot stop crying for an extended period of time. The pendulum told us that this was from approximately age 23 which confused me. I asked if I was living in my first basement suite, no. I asked if I was living in my second suite upstairs, yes. I asked if it was regarding _____, an ex-boyfriend of mine, the pendulum jumped!
  • Confusion – approximately age 3. Of course I can’t remember this and I have to think like a 3 year old would think – it could have been something minor that only a 3 year old would have been confused by. We asked which family member this confusion involved and it was my dad.
  • Betrayal – approximately age 4. Again, how would I remember this? And I would have to think like a 4 year old. This betrayal involved my mom. While she was clearing this emotion I asked where it sat in my body, Selena told me that it sat in my abdomen. I then asked why the back of my left shoulder hurt. She explained that the heart has memory cells, and this is where the heart drains through the left shoulder and down the arm, out the finger tips. Even though I don’t recall all of these memories, my heart did.
  • Insecurity – age 19. This one I was hoping would come up as I knew I needed to let go of it, that being said, I wasn’t aware that it would show as insecurity although it does make sense. Even though I was sure I knew what it was, I still was curious about how effective this all was so I asked, is this to do with ____? The pendulum jumped so strongly in a yes. While we were clearing out this emotion, arch angel Michael, the angel of protection, came to my side and said, “a man’s strength is meant to be used for protection, not aggression.” And suddenly I was crying. This was the name of the man who raped me.

Once Selena could see that these blockages were cleared she began to do some hands on work. At one point she told me she was seeing one of my past lives. In this particular past life I was an aboriginal woman in a warmer climate. I was sitting in the dirt with a wooden bowl in my hands, passing it around and we were each drinking from it. I was participating in some kind of ceremony that related to communicating with the stars and galactics. I strongly valued connection, friendship and communication with different cultures and races. I found this so interesting because in my current life I am so drawn to aboriginal culture and hold significant value in communicating and learning about all cultures.

At this point Selena asks me if i get dejavu very frequently, I tell her all the time! She tells me that I have been time travelling in my sleep and when I get dejavu it’s because I have seen it before. I’m not going to lie, this is where I got skeptical, however I do trust in her abilities so I’m looking forward to exploring this further. She told me that I have been travelling to the galactics in my sleep and communicating with alien life for some reason. She couldn’t tell if I have a heritage of galactics or not but for whatever reason communicating with them is very important to me, and that if I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept (which I do most days!) that is why.

Then Selena tells me that if I ever hear something in my right ear, to listen to it. I ask her why she says that and she tells me that I am clairaudiant. Apparently this means that instead of being clairvoyant where she can see things, I can hear things. I do tend to be very skeptical about the concept of people being able to see or hear things from a higher-power, and the mental health educated side of me tends to lean more towards the possibility of mental illness than the ability to actually communicate with the dead or angels or any form of higher power. This being said, when I was a child I would hear voices. Always in my right ear. I remember it used to drive me crazy I would beg them to stop. As I grew older and struggled with depression and anxiety I would continue to hear voices once in a while. I brought up these voices to different doctors and we explored the possibility of psychosis but I never really fit the definition. I shared this with Selena and she kindly laughed and responded, “Denise you don’t have psychosis, you’re psychic,”. I have always felt as if I had some form of psychic ability within me even in a small amount, but I’ve always been too afraid of judgement to admit it.

Throughout our session she let’s me know of different angels, spirit guides, and animals that come into the room for me. At one point a small curly haired dog comes up on the table and lays between my legs. At another time a cute, small dragon comes in and sits by my feet. There was another angel there as well, a woman dressed in yellow, she says she’s been with me since I was 10 years old. Behind me stands an approximately 8ft tall male angel. He has a large presence, a great big laugh, and he says he’s been with me since the beginning and shows pieces of my truest self, who I’m meant to be. He says that I am meant to use my voice, I am meant to be heard and to be seen. That communication is a large part of my purpose in this life. Selena would not have known this but this aligns so well with what I’ve felt pulled towards my entire life.

Also in the room throughout the whole session, standing quietly off to the side observing, was one of my spirit guides. Spirit guides apparently are people who you’ve typically known in past lives, though sometimes in this life. At first Selena told me it was a young man, tall, and my first thought was that it could be Taylor. But no, Selena said, he was tall and thin and had blonde/red hair and was showing her his beard. He would have been mid-twenties. That was all the information I was given about this spirit guide, so on my way home from work I asked him, “spirit guide, what is your name?”

“Nathan,” he said. I thought that’s weird I don’t have any friends named Nathan. Then I asked, “what lifetime are you from?” He responded, “1989”. That’s the year before I was born. I asked one more question, “what is your last name?”. “Johnson,” he responded. And I thought to myself well those are pretty common names so I wonder if I made them up. But why? And why would those names and year be on my mind? I don’t have any friends named Nathan or with the last name Johnson and I have no idea where 1989 came from. So could I possibly really be clairaudiant? And if so, what is my purpose with it and how could I ever share that with anyone without them thinking I’ve lost it?! There is no question that humans are both an energetic and physical body. Sound is energy, light is energy, emotions are energy, everything on the planet is some form of energy. So, why couldn’t that energy be formed as a voice in my head from another energetic body, though not visible to me?

Something pulled me to Selena. Knowing about her for quite a while there is no explanation to why I suddenly felt that I had to have a session with her right away. There is no doubt that I have been feeling called and pulled towards spirituality, healing stones, essential oils and all sorts of new concepts recently. I can’t shake this feeling lately (and if I’m honest, all my life but stronger in recent years) that I have a higher purpose on this earth that I have yet to connect to. I have always felt the energy of those around me and it felt like a curse because I couldn’t control it. I was burdened with so many negative emotions and I couldn’t understand where they were coming from or why.

Today’s session left me with so many answers and just as many questions, but I am so grateful to Selena for sharing her gifts with me, and I’m so excited to explore this world further.