Embracing Natural Beauty – 11 Years in the Beauty Industry

So here’s the thing.

I love my natural curls (finally). I love the natural creases around my eyes that will one day be deep wrinkles. I love my natural grey-white hairs (though I do have way more of them than I think I should for 27!). A lot of my life in the beauty industry has been about covering up that natural beauty, changing it in some way because it’s not pretty enough. When that change is solely because you as an individual want to look a certain way for self-expression and to look the way you feel, then I love everything about that. Why shouldn’t you get to look exactly how you feel you want to look? And why would anyone other than you, have a right to an opinion on that? They don’t. They may think they do, but I’m telling you, they don’t. Don’t ever listen to anyone’s version of beauty but your own.

As far as I’m concerned, if I am happy and comfortable with my appearance, be it my hairstyle, hair colour, makeup – or lack there of, piercings, tattoos, choice of shoes, length of my eyelashes, and someone decides to judge me based on said appearance, then that’s on them, not me.

I’ve finally learned to truly embrace my curls, and not in the I’ll blow them out and re-curl them nicer kind of way. I’m talking the leave the house with wet hair because if I fully diffuse them dry they’ll frizz and ABSOLUTELY NO ONE touch them ’til they’re dry! kind of way. For those of you who don’t have experience with naturally curly hair, it’s frizzy, it is never a perfect curl, there’s always some rogue curl sticking out somewhere along with that one weird piece that is frustratingly straighter than the rest. It’s messy. It requires product. It’s also incredibly easy, fun and sexy once you develop a positive relationship with it. I can remember when I first started hair styling, working in a salon where I was encouraged to basically be the exact opposite of who I am. No matter how long I spent on my hair it wasn’t good enough. My natural dark brown curls were definitely not going to cut it but of course I still wanted to be a naturally thick, straight-haired, blonde with a tiny waist and large chest back then anyways. Oh and obviously I wanted a thigh gap too.

This August will be 11 years in the beauty industry for me, and yet I’ve never thought of myself as being in the beauty industry so much as the people industry. I love making people feel beautiful. I love helping people look the same on the outside as they feel on the inside. I love helping people achieve whatever look they want the world to see. You know what 11 years in this industry has taught me? Everybody’s idea of beauty is different. And I think that that is a gorgeous thing! Because it means that no matter what you look like, there will always be people who think you’re ugly. There will also always be people who think you’re beautiful. So instead of trying so hard to look like something you’re not (unless that’s what you really want of course!) why not just embrace exactly who you are? Wrinkles, muffin top and all!

For the first time in my life this winter/spring I got acne! I’ve always been blessed with decent skin and I hated the feeling of people seeing the acne but I still didn’t bother with anything more than a BB cream. I don’t know why I didn’t go to the trouble of covering it up more, I guess because knowing it was visible didn’t stop me from doing or being anything I wanted or needed to do or be. I used to always wear at least a little bit of makeup, not over the top but I was a definitely not leaving my house without mascara kind of girl. Then when I got sick I didn’t have the energy to do it anymore, and now I’ve gone so long without worrying about it that I actually really like how I look without it.  Do I feel an extra boost when I put a little more effort in for a night out? Of course I do. Do I feel the need for that on a daily basis or do I feel less worthy or less pretty when I look like my just-out-of-bed natural self? Absolutely not. I love my just-out-of-bed natural self! And even better, it’s so easy and who doesn’t want a little extra time before their morning alarm?!

If you follow my blog regularly then you’ll know that I got my septum pierced a couple of weeks ago at Brass Eagle Tattoo and Piercing, Ladner Village’s own, new, professional tattoo and piercing parlor. I love that there are new businesses coming to town stirring up little old Ladner’s perception of beauty. Although I’ve never exactly fit society’s standard view of female beauty – my purple hair, undercuts, naturally darker tones, a few small to medium tattoos and a couple different piercings over the years – I’ve never been too far outside the lines either. Almost every image I’ve shown the world has been just enough outside standard beauty to still be considered socially acceptable. In my experience once people have gotten to know me their initial judgement of my purple hair (or whatever else it may be in regards to my appearance at the time) fades fairly quickly. When I got my septum pierced I knew I might be pushing that boundary a little further than I have in the past. I do believe that septum piercings are making headway and the adorable, small, classy jewelry that are now available for them moves mountains in that regards but I understand that my septum piercing could potentially push some people’s comfort zones. It has actually become a very interesting social experiment for me as many people who told me not to do it, have ended up liking it. And many people whom I didn’t consult with – for knowing they don’t like them and, to be frank, for not caring that they don’t like them – have felt quite comfortable telling me that they do not like it. As if that is supposed to mean something to me. Everyone has responded with either they thought I’d always had it, or they hate it. Which is hilarious to me that, as my little brother pointed out, it either looks so natural that it must have always been there, or that it bothers someone so much that they really dislike or hate it. This just shows that everyone’s view of beauty is different, and that someone else’s opinion of what looks beautiful on you, has a lot more to do with them than it does with you. In which case, why doesn’t everyone stop trying to be beautiful to other people’s standards and just try to be themselves?!

I have a confession. I love the natural grey-hair movement. I love that women all over and of all ages are embracing their natural grey hair and totally rocking it. I’ve been finding grey hairs in my head since I was 16, so maybe that’s why I don’t find them to be a big deal. But also, I’m only 27 so no amount of grey hair is going to make me look old at this point. Older than I am? Sure! But lets be real. Even a full head of white hair is not going to make a 27 year old look 95. Therefore, I do understand that my perspective may be different than yours, but the point is to embrace exactly what you feel most comfortable and happy with. As a hairstylist I’m not really supposed to like that. I am supposed to be convincing you to colour your grey because then I can make more money off of you. I hate that. The way I see it, no amount of work or money is worth me convincing you that you aren’t beautiful exactly how you are. In fact, I see so many incredibly fun and gorgeous ways to enhance naturally grey hair that I’m not worried about it because I am sure that many of my clients who do stop colouring and go to their natural grey will end up wanting to do totally different colour services to add flare and personality to their natural colour. Even if they don’t, the holes in my schedule from less colours will only be filled with other incredible clients, and that’s great too because if there is one thing that I know for sure, it’s that I am not ever going to base my business on making someone else feel like they are not good enough, not wealthy enough, or not altered enough, to be beautiful.

So to any and all of you who are concerned with being pretty enough, don’t ever forget that everyone’s version of pretty is different. Rock yours and let others rock theirs.

Peace and Love.

How to talk to your struggling youth about mental health.

Through my positions as a youth with lived experience in the child and youth mental health world and advocating over the years, I have been asked by several parents how to talk to their children who are struggling. I can’t imagine what its like to be a parent of a child with mental health struggles, but I do know what it’s like to be on the other end of it. I’d like to think that I’ve grown and matured enough to have some kind of an idea of how to help them, but the truth is, its hard. And what works for one child and parent is not necessarily going to work for the next. There are however a few common parent-child situations that I hear most often, that I feel I can comment about.

Obviously the advice in here is based on my own life and the stories I personally hear from youth, parents and professionals, and by no means do I believe that this even begins to cover the vast spectrum of family dynamics or mental illness.

When your child says that they are experiencing something, believe them. And by “believe them” I don’t just mean silently believe them while telling them that they’ll be fine. No child or person wants to feel depressed, or

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Self-care is a septum piercing.

So today I did a thing – to my face – against all my friend’s and family’s advice (besides 2) – and it made me think about self-care.

I have seen a flooding of internet posts on self-care in the recent months, even more so in the last week with the recent tragic Hollywood deaths by suicide, as well as many equally as tragic deaths by suicide that happen every single day to people’s families and friends and coworkers and lovers all around the world. But did you know that the media isn’t recommended to talk about suicides because there are studies that show that this can trigger other people to end their lives too? I don’t know where I stand around that one because to be honest I haven’t read the studies, and I have mixed feelings surrounding the obviously complex pro’s and con’s surrounding the balance between raising awareness for a continuously-rising suicide rate, the risk of triggering someone else who’s already struggling, and the feelings of the deceased’s loved ones. What I do think we need to talk about though, is how to better take care of ourselves, each-other and our communities so that possibly, we can help keep our people healthy and happy. The scope of mental health is so vast and there is still so much that we don’t know. Maybe you are perfectly healthy as it is, both mentally and physically and don’t need any help ever, but let’s face it that’s not the case for most people. Which is why I love that self-care is becoming trendy, but I want to tell you that it’s not all about pedicures and bubble baths with a glass of red.

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How to be happy

I wish that everyone would just be honest with themselves and others, about what truly makes them happy. If, instead of being taught to follow the lifestyle steps and patterns that society tells us is “right”, everyone was taught to find what makes them happy, and to build their life around that, the compound effect would have a vast, positive impact on the whole world.

Yes, we all need to make a certain amount of money to live on, we all have to pay taxes and be contributing members of society. I’m not saying that everyone should quit their jobs and live barefoot and carefree on the beach. What I am saying, is that if you are truly honest with yourself about what style of actions, behaviors, thoughts,

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Meditation; a game changer.

You’re talking to the girl who wouldn’t take yoga class because she’d burst out laughing during savasana – the meditative, still, yoga posture that always ends a session – out of the pure discomfort of being still.

The girl who would rather be doing burpees or mountainclimbers or deadlifting than rest day or yoga/stretch day.

It’s become clear however, that I’m not coming out the other side of Lyme the same girl I went in as.

Never would I have thought that I’d be paying money to sit with a group of people while

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My new dating profile

Releasing myself from societal norms and 300 characters or less.

We live in a world that is afraid to be seen. We hide behind computer screens and then wonder why we don’t have any real relationships. We don’t want to listen to other people’s problems because they’re too real and we don’t like having to face that kind of reality but then we wonder why we’re all alone in our own. All we want is a date, a relationship, but we’re too afraid of being rejected to ask anyone out on a date. We stay within our comfort zones of 300 characters or less and a few photos and talk about how much “fun” our lives are. No one wants to do the hard stuff so we pretend it doesn’t exist until we can’t pretend anymore. But when we finally stop pretending

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Juice Fasting and Social Media Detox!

I am on the end of day 3 of my juice fast, day 5 of my cleanse and day 3 of no social media or cell phone use (phone/text). My Facebook, Instagram and snapchat are all logged out and I’ve only used very minimal email for communication for the past 3 days, and only when necessary.

It’s been beautiful.

I’ve meditated, read, and detoxed. I’ve spent more time in complete silence than I probably ever have before. I went over 24 hours without speaking a single word to another person. I haven’t left the house besides the vet on Friday, and my only visitor was one girlfriend today.

The juice fast has been great, as has been the whole cleanse so far. It is 2 days of raw food, prepping my body for fasting, then 3 days of juice fasting (making your own juices as per their recipes not store bought), and then tomorrow will begin 2 days of easing my body back into solid food. I have to be very careful during this time to follow the meal plan strictly. In the first few days it’s easy to follow the meal plan because it’s new, but now that I’ve had 3 days without solid food and I’m nearing the end, I find myself really wanting those chocolate almond bites that are prepped in the fridge for Tuesday nights dessert! After a juice fast though, my body is not prepared to digest many foods such as leafy greens and I’m sure it’s not prepared to digest the fat from all the coconut oil in the chocolate almond bites that I want to eat!

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Who taught you not to love yourself?

The following is quoted from Inga Muscio’s book, “Cunt”, in her interview with Soraya Mire, a Somali woman who also produced the film, “Fire Eyes”.

“In countries like mine, the law is blatantly against women. What we do have, though, is love and community. You never think only of yourself, you always think of your neighbors and family, too.
The problem with a lot of Western women is they think they can help me, that they know what’s best for me. Especially feminist women. They come into conversations waving the American flag, forever projecting the idea they are more intelligent than i am. I’ve learned that American women look at women like me to hid from their own pain. They can’t face their pain, and mine is so obvious, they think they can help me without looking at

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Balance

This weekend I did very little, because I chose to do little, not because my body forced me to. That’s not to say that I was bursting with extra energy, but I could have pushed myself to do more and I didn’t. I did a huge grocery shop Saturday, organized my meds, and attended a baby shower today. Besides that I vegged out and binge watched Grace and Frankie on Netflix (I’m going to be Frankie when I grow up LOL).

I ate chocolate and pho and cheese and crackers and drank tea under a blanket on the couch. Alone. Happily. By choice. My laundry basket is full, my dishwasher is clean (and full) and my kitchen is dirty. For the first time in a month. And most significantly, the first time in ages (a year? Maybe 2?) that it’s dirty because I’ve chosen to chill and binge Netflix and not because my body has forced me into submission.

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Real men are not Unicorns.

Sometimes we are forced to reevaluate our lives and the choices that we are making and patterns we are falling into and why our lives look the way that they do. Tonight I realized something, probably for the first time realizing it deep within me and not just brushing it off but actually feeling it and allowing it to process. This something, is something that I felt needed to be shared because I bet that there are a  lot of people out there living the same way and wondering why.

I realized that never in my life have I “expected” to be in a healthy relationship. When you think about how you speak – either out loud or in your head about relationships, what words are you using? Do you think of a loving couple, children, a home? Do you think of parties, arguments? Do you think of fear or do you think of love?

For years I said I was going to adopt, because I didn’t want to pass along my genes and risk the children having mental health issues (and now Lyme).

I’ve always said I was pro-divorce and that its never too late to leave. I do stand by this in cases of abuse or where two people are truly not happy, but maybe it would be nice if I didn’t think of it for myself!

I’ve always said its okay to be single forever. And it is. But again, maybe I should be at least thinking like I’m not going to be?

I have never been able to picture myself in a healthy relationship. My trust for a man to be there for me and stand by me and take care of his own shit never existed. I am not even sure what that would look like.

I have always expected to have to be able to financially, physically and emotionally, take care of myself, my pets, my future children and possibly my husband; or at least to to play a minimum of a 50% role in that area. I’ve never even really expected a man to take me on a real date. You know, plan it with no help from me (control freak!), pick me up, pay without that awkward conversation finishing with me insisting on paying for at least my part if not all of it.

I’ve never even expected a man to be able to handle his own shit, let alone a relationship. Or to be a real man. I’ve basically just believed that they don’t exist.

In fully, truly, deeply understanding this I can’t help but think “uhh duh. No wonder you’ve never had a good, stable, healthy relationship. No wonder successful, nice, got their shit together men are not knocking your door down. You made them out to be unicorns.”

Well, apparently they are not unicorns and they do exist. I, however, never let them exist within my mind and therefore they could never exist within my 3 dimensional life. How many other men and women are walking around thinking just like me and never getting their wake-up call? Well, this is it! What you think about, you attract. What language are you using when actually thinking about the things that you want in life? I for one, will certainly be changing mine.